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Some quotes to make you smile

...or maybe make you run! 


If the barometric pressure is 750 mm Hg, then your partial pressure is your barometric pressure multiplied by your

humidity divided by 100. Now if your partial pressure is equal to your vapor pressure then your humidity is 100 isn't

it. when the humidity reaches 100, IT STARTS TO RAIN. Welcome to Chem.

I have learned that you can not make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable thing which

has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How

strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than ones self is real

It always has been since time began, and always will be till time lose breath, That love is a mood no more to men,

and love to a woman is life or death.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!

The only thing constant is change

You know your marriage is in trouble if your wife says you're only interested in one thing, and you can't remember

what it is.

You were born... finish what was started!!

Other people say...Oh we should save them.... You know what, not everybody wants to be saved!!

I desire to be drunk upon my own glory.

Men die, cattle die, one day the gods themselves shall surely die. Only one thing will not die- the name, good or

bad, you have made for yourself.

You don't see a lot of non-primate omnivores. Everything either chooses carnivore or herbivore, they all wanna pick

one thing. Omnivores like everything, Omnivores are the bisexuals of the dietary world.......or are bisexuals the

omnivores of the sexual realm.

Be original. Don't go along with the crowd....Stick up for your beliefs...Don't be trendy....Don't pretend to be

something you're not just to fit in. Acceptance comes when you find yourself....

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, If you teach a man to fish he will eat for a lifetime, But if you teach a

man to be a fish he can eat himself, and if he can eat himself then fish, no longer matter.

Life isn't fair... It's just fairer than death, that's all. 

Do or do not, there is no try.

So I'm a little left of center, I'm a little out of tune, some say I'm paranormal, so I just bend their spoon. Who wants to

be ordinary in this crazy mixed-up world? 

A:We'll never survive!  B:Nonsense, You're only saying that because nobody ever has.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away but if the doctor's cute screw the fruit! 

Are you left handed? Well that’s your problem, it is a right handed lighter!

Don't start anything with an ugly guy, they have nothing else to loose. 

Everything that's good to you ain't always good for you! 

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

In order to get BIG rewards you need to take BIG risks.

It is Mind over Matter... If you ain't go no mind... It don't Matter

Just call me Captain Obvious! 

Live long enough to be a problem to your kids.

Money may not buy you happiness but at least you can choose your misery! 

PMS gives women a few weeks to act the way men do year round.

To learning more about my roommates bowel movements, more than I ever wanted to know.

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we

commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven. 

Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn't shit on stage.

You walk onto campus a starry-eyed freshman expecting to walk up marble steps into your Hyatt Regency dorm

room. Instead, you walk into Motel 6, where they didn't even leave the light on for you. 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Best Bumper Stickers

Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat!

If you have ever had relations with a married man or women...drink.

My horse is more pampered than my boyfriend.

Learn from your parents' mistakes-use birth control. 

Trust in God, but lock your car.

A clear conscience is usually a good sign of a bad memory. 

In America anyone can become president. That's a risk we all take.

Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever

Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!

Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause kids.

If it's tourist season, does that mean we can shoot them?

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.